


Getting Probed

by chucks_prophet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: COVID Testing, Dean Accidentally Comes Out, Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Sam Winchester is So Done, Sexual Humor, drive thru, inspired by a tiktok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:29:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26280421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chucks_prophet/pseuds/chucks_prophet
Summary: "How long is the probe again?"Sam rolls his eyes. "It's a swab and it's only six inches.""That's not the kind of thing I wanna hear from a woman or a medical professional."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 133





	Getting Probed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ralsbecket](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralsbecket/gifts).



> S/O to ralsbecket, who schemed up this whole plot after I sent her the linked video this was inspired by. I am but the vessel that translated this into words.
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/reel/CEDpD1EgnQG/?igshid=y7qd5o3zu9ul

"This is not the kind of exposing I would've liked out of my Saturday night."

"Dean, whether you like it or not, you were exposed to COVID,” Sam says as his brother turns into the CVS lot. He’s not sure if he should be concerned or relieved to find the drive thru vacant, “Which means I was exposed, which means we're getting tested."

"How long is the probe again?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "It's a swab and it's only six inches."

"That's not the kind of thing I wanna hear from a woman _or_ a medical professional."

"It's nothing; it'll just feel like a bug up your nose for a few seconds.”

"I’d like to keep bugs out of my nose, _period.”_

"Roll down your window, it's our turn."

It’s Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. "Goodie."

"Hello gentlemen,” a man greets, approaching Dean on the driver’s side. He’s decked out in full hazmat with the exception of his face shield and the blue mask covering his mouth and nose. He seems a bit distracted as his dark blue eyes dart from the Chevy Impala back to the two men. Eventually, he shakes himself and proceeds, “Right, um, so as you probably know, this isn't the easiest collection method, but I'll be as quick and gentle as possible to get you on your way.”

"Wait," Sam interrupts as the man retrieves his supplies from the baggie resting atop his clipboard. "Castiel? From Mr. Devereaux's senior year Chem class?"

Castiel averts his gaze from Dean before replying, "Yeah. Sam, right? You made that nuclear bomb out of nitric acid that got you suspended from school for a week."

Sam can’t tell if Castiel’s eyes are crinkling from a genuine smile or a forced one. Sam’s mastered that art since the mask mandate, especially being Dean Winchester’s brother. "I was never good in science,” he confirms, "but I did have a thing for languages. I'm actually—"

"Trilingual,” Castiel finishes, “yeah, I remember. You used to copy your Chem notes in another language to practice for tests the next period."

"I'm quadrilingual now, actually. I'm finally fluent in ASL."

"Oh yeah that's right, you were dating Eileen."

"Going on three years strong."

"Hey man, congrats."

"Thanks," Sam replies, taking note of Dean’s rigid stature. Normally, Dean’s fighting to get the last word in every conversation. Now he’s just steadfastly focused on the bench beneath him like there’s a tear in the leather. It’s their dad’s car, so Don McLean wouldn’t be too far off claiming they’d put the Chevy to the levee, because that would be the day Dean dies. “What's got you so uptight?"

"Can we please just get this over with?" Dean grits through his teeth.

Sam throws his head back. “Jesus, we’re not getting a prostate exam, Dean, so you can shut that asshole of yours before it shits out diamonds.”

That elicits a laugh from Cas. "Alright, tilt your head back."

Sam can see Dean swallow thickly at the angle his throat’s at. He just laughs. "You're ridiculous."

"Good,” Cas affirms, twisting the probe in Dean’s left nostril, “now you'll just feel a small pin—"

_"Yes, Daddy, deeper."_

Suffice to say, Cas yanks out the swab. Dean gags and pulls his mask back up to cough violently.

Sam’s reaction is much less intense, but it still elicits a cough. “I… um…”

"Sam, you've met Cas,” Dean says once he catches his breath, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes, “my boyfriend."

“And you were worried about getting _probed?”_

“Guys, I hate to say this,” Cas says, holding up the used swab, “but I didn’t get an adequate sample.”

“Right,” Sam says, tugging the car door open, “I’ll be _outside_ the car for this one.”


End file.
